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| Negativity Kills Confidence/ 30sec Blog |
I was always looking outside myself for strength andconfidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time.—Anna Freud
Negative environments where people are harsh or even abusive to one another are toxic. No one tries to lift you or anyone else out of the pain, and no one can find emotional or even physical comfort—that will lower your self-worth and perhaps even your will to live.
This isn’t about having the occasional bad day or moment. It’s about living and/or working in an environment that brings or puts you down. When someone is constantly telling you that you’re not good enough, eventually, if you stay around a while, you will start to believe it.
Only two creatures on the planet, if you continually tell them they are bad, will take it in and believe it: dogs and humans. We have all seen dogs whose spirits have been broken. They walk around with their tails between their legs and their heads down. They get startled or scared very easily, and can react with fear aggression (barking or growling when they are frightened). The poor things never seem to feel safe and secure. They have lost their wag, and it’s sad to see.
People tend to react in similar ways when they are living with someone who puts them down on a regular basis or they are working for a company that manages by intimidation. There is very little joy to be found here, and one’s sense of self-confidence can be easily shattered. Most people in such places are unable
to find the strength they need to battle the forces that are attacking them because they have simply run out of
energy.
The trick here is to step back far enough to get some perspective, and, if the circumstances I just described truly exist, and counseling hasn’t worked or is refused, the best move may be to just leave. I know that’s drastic, but staying in a negative environment or relationship because you are afraid to leave is also known as “battered person’s syndrome,” such as when abused women continue to go back to the home of their abusers. They do it because the devil they know is better than the one they don’t (as they mistakenly
think). They are returning to what is familiar.
Confidence cannot exist within an aura of meanness. To find yourself and rebuild what has been taken from you, leaving a bad environment may be the answer. This requires a type of inner strength that some find in desperate moments—the strength that helps you believe in yourself and to know that you do not deserve to be treated badly, no matter what another person says. You have finally had enough, and you reach down to the depths of your soul and pull up whatever shreds of self-respect you can find. The feeling may only last for a few hours, but use that time to pack or write your resignation, because you will never be able to flourish where negativity and horrific behavior are allowed to run rampant.
Once most people get out of a negative environment or relationship, one of the first things they do is castigate themselves by saying, “Why did it take me so long?” But that thought is totally self-defeating. It took as long as it took; do not waste any more time feeling beat up. At this point you may actually be used to it and not even see that you are doing it to yourself. As soon as you are aware you’ve changed the behavior, all you have to do next is whatever is in front of you. Leave the past, and the old behaviors, behind. Accept that you had the strength to change your life. It’s okay to feel good about yourself.
Extracted from '100 Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence' by 'Barton Goldsmith'.
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